Leonard Yankelovich, the oddball in charge at Latvian armoured vehicle specialist Dartz, thinks the President of the United States would be better protected in his company’s latest tank of an SUV than the Cadillac limo the White House affectionately refers to as The Beast.
We feel there’s really no good time to issue any kind of challenge against any person or vehicle associated with America’s head of state. Nevertheless, Dartz has set out to prove its Black Alligator, a 1,600-hp SUV based on a Mercedes-Benz GLS-Class and painted a decisively non-black shade of gold, would be tougher than The Beast if it came under attack—and wants to prove so in simulated warfare.
“One idea is to have Leonard inside the DARTZ Black Alligator and President Trump in the Beast, and then have both cars simultaneously undergo an attack from soldiers with the goal of extracting the passenger,” Jalopnik explained Yankelovich’s plan.
“Whichever vehicle is breached first, or whichever passenger gives up first, loses.”
The Black Alligator boasts B7-rated armour and door handles that can be electrified to shock anyone the truck’s occupant wants to keep out. There are also grille shutters to protect the radiator from gunfire; side-mounted quick-access compartments large enough to hold numerous bazookas and their ammunition; and a fully armoured tailgate.
That Dartz would even contemplate the equivalent of an armoured vehicle cage match involving a vehicle as high-profile as The Beast shouldn’t come as a surprise: this is the company that markets itself as a purveyor of vehicles to the world’s dictators, and was the first car manufacturer to accept cryptocurrency for its vehicles. The company even once promised (or threatened, depending on your point of view) to upholster its interiors with the foreskins of whale penises.
The Black Alligator is otherwise known for being available with a steering wheel that can be finished in alligator or stingray, gold buttons, and a central badge containing 292 black diamonds and two rubies.